btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
