I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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