yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've blown a few things in my day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
