i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
