i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
