Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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