I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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