I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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