i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
