He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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