why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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