When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You're a waste of cheezeits
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
