My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
