We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
