A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Randomize
