i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
