The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
