Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
