Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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