I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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