I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
