imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
