I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
