apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
