i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So many bounce houses so little time
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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