I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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