The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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