she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
