It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
