I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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