Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize