I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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