Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
