two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
