My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
