the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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