Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
