You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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