Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
