no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
