I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i out mim tonsoeep
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