i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
