So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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