Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
