Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
