Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
