Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
