Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
wow bdsm is so cute
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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