At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
