I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
