Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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