dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
