Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
