i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish life had little blips of pornography
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
