He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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