They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
