i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
