I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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