Who did Billy Mays play for?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
