Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
