Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
